She left this house–this prison of shadows–and stepped into a world of light and life.
I should be happy for her. Finally, she’ll have the peace she craved, the freedom she deserved after enduring so much. She never belonged here. She was an angel, pure and untouchable, far removed from the hell I call home.
But I can’t. Selfishly, I can’t. I want this angel for myself–to keep her by my side in this dark kingdom. I want to breathe her in every second of every day. A life without her... It feels like a slow death, dragging me into an abyss I can’t escape.
This room, this house....everything carries her scent, her presence. How am I supposed to survive in this emptiness?
No. No...A house without her doesn’t deserve to exist. I’ll burn every damn thing to ashes. Maybe then, I’ll finally forget her.
I made my way to Muneeb’s room, calling for Nanny Haya. "Take Muneeb and Marshmallow to my uncle’s house. Stay there for a while."
She looked at me in surprise but nodded. While she packed their things, I headed to the storeroom and grabbed a can of kerosene. Returning to my room–the place that held our memories, our moments–I began splashing the fuel everywhere. The mess was already there–shattered mirrors, broken vases, papers strewn across the floor. But this destruction wasn’t enough.
My hands trembled as I lit a match. The flame flickered, mirroring the chaos inside me, and I dropped it to the floor. The fire spread quickly, licking at the walls, the curtains, consuming everything. But all I could see were her smiles, her rare laughter, her defiant gaze staring back at me.
"Have you lost your mind, Sarfaraaz?"
A voice cut through the haze, shattering the echoes of her laughter in my head.
I felt a firm hand on my shoulder, shaking me violently, dragging me back to reality.
Rahat.
He left for a moment and returned with a fire extinguisher. I stood frozen, watching as he fought the flames I’d unleashed, extinguishing the inferno that had already spread to the curtains.
Once the fire was out, Rahat turned to me, his face contorted with rage. Without warning, his fist slammed into my jaw with a force that made me stagger.
Pain exploded through my face, and I tasted the sharp metallic tang of blood on my tongue. "Fuck," I hissed, touching the corner of my lips. "That’s gonna bruise for sure."
"Have you completely lost it, you asshole?" he roared, his voice trembling with fury and something else–pain. "Were you trying to burn yourself alive?"
His voice cracked as he continued. "Did you forget that Muneeb has no one in this world but you? And I...damn it, I have no one but you, you bastard. You’re more than a brother to me. How could you even think of doing this?"
His words struck harder than his fist, leaving me in a silence louder than the fire’s roar.
"Do you think she would be happy to hear this?" Rahat asked, his voice softening.
I said nothing.
"She... damn it. I wasn’t going to tell you this," he exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. "She still cares for you. She told me to tell you to play Quran recitation before you sleep so that it helps suppress your nightmare."
His words stunned me.
She was truly my angel, my light. Who else could think of something like this, even after all I’d done to her?
"Don’t do something stupid again," Rahat continued, breaking the silence. "I saw Nanny Haya taking Muneeb and that cat out."
"It has a name," I interrupted, my voice low. "Marshmallow."
He gave me a hopeless look. "Yeah, it’s her cat, after all."
"You were planning to burn the whole house? Seriously?" His voice rang out, incredulous.
"Let her be free if you truly love her," Rahat said, his tone shifting. "I know it’s not in the nature of men like us. But think for a second–what she’s suffered, what she’s endured. She lost her identity, man. Do you even understand how devastating that is? More than being disowned by her own father?"
My jaw tightened. "That man is a pro level Asshole" I muttered gritting my teeth.
"Let her be herself," Rahat said firmly. "If you two are meant to be, she’ll come back to you. But you have to give her that chance." He placed a hand on my shoulder, his voice softening again. "If it feels too bad, come to my place. Stay there."
After a long silence, I finally spoke. "No. I’m staying here. I'll be in her room from now on." My voice was steady, unyielding. "Tell Nanny Haya to come back with Muneeb and Marshmallow."
Rahat let out a weary sigh but nodded, his hand dropped off my shoulder as he turned to leave.
I called out to Rahat as he was about to leave. "Rahat."
He turned, running a hand through his hair, his expression weary. "What now?"
"Thanks... brother," I said, the word tasting unfamiliar on my tongue. I'd never thanked him before, even though I loved this bastard like family.
He paused, blinking in surprise before his lips curved into a smirk. "Shove it up your ass. Don't make me worry like this again." His tone was lighter now, the tension easing.
"And listen," I said, my voice hardening. "Make sure our men keep an eye on her. If anything happens to her... I'll end them with my bare hands. I swear." My jaw clenched as I spoke, the threat hanging heavy in the air.
Rahat nodded, his tone serious now. "Noted. I've already told them personally. And don't forget-she's like a sister to me too. And I have something important to talk about. Call me when your brain is working fine"
With that, he walked away, leaving me standing in the remnants of what I'd almost destroyed. ________________________________
In the evening, I went to Muneeb's room to check on him.
"He cried himself to sleep, missing Tania ma’am," Nanny Haya said softly.
Even in his little heart, she had left her mark.
I approached him, finding him fast asleep, his tiny face peaceful yet stained with dried tears at the corners of his eyes.
"I'm sorry, my prince," I whispered, my voice breaking. "For failing to give you a proper family. Happiness was never meant for a man like me, and now I’ve dragged you into my misery. You lost your mom and dad because of me. I’m ashamed to even call myself your mamu."
As I stood there, I felt a light scratch at my pants and looked down to find Marshmallow pawing at me, his soft meow pulling me out of my thoughts.
I picked him up, cradling him gently, and to my surprise, he didn’t resist like before. Instead, he leaned into my touch, purring softly.
"Yeah, I miss your momma too," I murmured, stroking his back. "But she had to leave–for her own good. Don’t worry, little devil, I’ll take care of you."
Pressing a kiss to Muneeb’s forehead, I turned to leave, taking Marshmallow with me.
Her room felt like a time capsule, frozen in her absence. The scent of her perfume still lingered in the air, wrapping around me like a haunting memory. Her cosmetics were perfectly arranged on the dressing table, her clothes neatly hung in the wardrobe. Everything was as it was–except for her.
My gaze fell on a dupatta lying on the bed. Picking it up, I held it to my face, inhaling deeply. Her scent clung to it, soothing the ache burning in my chest, even if just for a moment.
But how long can I keep doing this? How long can I survive on memories of you, Hazel?
I miss you. I’m fucking missing you. __________________________________
I heard the news. Tania Shafiq Hussein is gone from Sarfaraaz's home, from his life. Today should be the happiest day of my life, the moment I’ve been waiting for.
But I feel the same hollow emptiness as I did every time Sarfaraaz rejected me. Because deep down, I know that while Tania may have left his house, she’s still deeply rooted in his heart, where I’ve never even existed.
I took another sip of my Margarita, my mind consumed with these thoughts. How different our lives could be if Sarfaraaz had loved me, even once. If he had seen me as more than just his cousin. If he had thought of me as a companion, a partner. I would’ve been the happiest woman in the world.
Today, I could go to him, beg for his love like I did so many times before. How many times have I traveled to Hungary for this very reason? But I feel tired. Tired of begging.
And then, another voice echoed in my mind: "You're far more precious than that. Far more important to me. And I won’t let any man have you."
Rahat. Rahat Hunyadi. The Indo-Hungarian man I’ve known for seven years, who said that to me in the most daring, sensual way, in that pool.
I never thought of him as anything more than a friend, a constant in my life when I needed someone to anchor me. But after we crossed that line–sleeping with him...he became something more. Something I never thought he could be.
I used him to forget the pain lingering in my heart from the constant rejection of Sarfaraaz. And he avoided me after that night. The reason was clear now. I had said Sarfaraaz’s name in the heat of the moment. I had let my heart betray me. Rahat must’ve known how much I cared for Sarfaraaz. And that was the last thing he wanted to hear. It hurt him.
I couldn't help but feel restless. So I went to him and things were going smoothly.
But now, I couldn’t face him. I didn’t know he had feelings for me in that way. If I had, I never would’ve let it happen.
I had used him. And the guilt gnawed at me.
Now, I was avoiding him, leaving the country to escape the uncomfortable tension that had grown between us. His touch still lingered on my skin, his voice echoing in my head, taking the place of Sarfaraaz’s.
I couldn’t help but wonder–was it what Rahat said to me that made me stop going to the bar? Or was it something deeper? I didn’t know anymore. All I knew was that for the first time in years, I wasn’t drowning in distractions. I was forced to face the confusion inside me, the turmoil I had ignored for so long.
I never wanted anyone but Sarfaraaz. My entire life had been about him. So, the thought of letting someone else take his place....the thought of letting Rahat take his place was terrifying. It made me feel vulnerable in a way I had never experienced before.
I don’t know what to do right now. ___________________________________
"Rayan, chhodiye mujhe (leave me)... I need to see Muneeb," I protested lightly, wriggling in his hold.
I was on my way to Muneeb’s room when, out of nowhere, Rayan appeared and pulled me into a tight embrace. His face nestled into the crook of my neck, his warm breath brushing against my skin as he inhaled deeply, almost as if he wanted to capture my essence and keep it with him.
I didn’t know what this meant to him, but it always left me breathless.
"Nope, Hazel. I need you to accompany me first. Muneeb can wait to see his Mami. Besides, he’s busy playing with your devil-child cat anyway," he murmured, his teasing tone laced with authority as he pulled me even closer.
My soft frame melted into his hard one, my back arching as his grip on my waist tightened. His hold was so firm that my feet barely touched the ground, leaving me weightless in his arms.
"If Marshmallow is a devil-child, then he must be yours because I’m his mother," I teased, grinning against his shoulder.
"Absolutely not," he shot back with mock seriousness. "My baby would never be such a naughty brat. She’d be as sweet and adorable as her mother."
His words sent a wave of warmth through me, and I blushed furiously. "Rayan...!" I whispered, my voice trembling with embarrassment.
"Hazel," he chuckled softly, his tone both teasing and affectionate. . . .
"Rayan!" I jolted awake, gasping, as the remnants of the dream lingered like a ghost.
Tears pricked my eyes before I could stop them, the absence of his warmth cutting through me like a blade.
It had been two long months since I left him, yet he haunted me, even in my dreams. Why couldn’t I forget him? Logically, I shouldn’t think twice about a man who turned my life upside down, a man who made my own family hate me.
But no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t. And it wasn’t his cruelty that lingered in my mind–it was his rare softness. The way his dark brown eyes would soften just for me, the warmth in his voice, and the way his touch felt like a fleeting promise of safety.
I threw myself into distractions, filling every moment with work and study, yet his presence loomed over me like a shadow.
And the nickname... Hazel. No one had called me that in these two months, though I craved to hear it more than I ever thought I would.
I’d said it to him countless times, even before I knew it's meanings. And maybe that’s why my heart refused to let him go. Perhaps my soul had already accepted him, my monster, as my forever.
I had felt this confused even when I was in that house but now, it was evident...clear as daylight.
He had set me free, yet my foolish heart had become his slave.
But another part of me screamed not to fall for him, not to forget who he was–my annihilator. My life could be so much better without him. Full of light, love, and everything I’d once dreamed of.
Yet another voice whispered that it wouldn’t be the same, wouldn’t be as thrilling, without him.
I had lived in the light...always, but maybe a part of me had been drawn to the darkness. And that darkness was him.
What was wrong with me? Why was I thinking this way? I folded my knees to my chest, letting out muffled sobs as the unbearable ache in my chest grew heavier.
"Hey... hey, what happened, Tania? Why are you crying, Miss Drama? Did you miss your family?" my roommate asked groggily, her voice laced with concern as she sat on the edge of my bed.
How could I tell her the truth? That I missed my forced husband–the man who destroyed my peace?
I hadn’t even tried contacting my family. After all, I was a stranger to them now. They hadn’t cared enough to spare me five minutes, so why should I waste my time on them? And yet, the ache in my heart lingered. It would linger forever.
"Nope. I just had a nightmare," I lied, wiping my eyes.
"It’s okay. It’s just a dream, dear," Jubi said softly, caressing my back.
Her expression suddenly changed. "Oh God... how could I forget? Today is your birthday! Happy birthday!!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.
I had forgotten the date myself. I turned 22 today. But the events of the past 6 months had been so overwhelming, they overshadowed the entirety of my previous 21 years.
"Now get your ass up and get ready. We’re spending the day outside! It’s the weekend, too," Jubi said, her voice full of enthusiasm. She knew all about my chaotic life and had taken extra care of me since my return. I was lucky to have her in this turbulent phase of my life.
It was already 10 a.m.! I had fallen asleep around 4:30 a.m. after finishing my studies. I had slept long enough, I guessed–thanks to the weekend.
Seeing the determination on her face, I reluctantly got out of bed and headed to the washroom to take a shower.
I chose a floral sundress that fell a few inches above my ankles, pairing it with skin-tight leggings for added comfort.
As I finished drying my hair, my eyes landed on a small box on the table. Inside it was a gift I had cherished for 21 years–a gift whose significance had grown after I learned the story behind it.
It was a beautiful pearl hair clip adorned with tiny diamonds.
When I was five, my Baba had told me the story for the first time. I had asked him about the clip, and he had smiled and said, "A good-looking, handsome young man came to see you on your first birthday. He gifted you this clip and then vanished. No one at the party knew him. He just came, gave you this, and disappeared."
As a little girl raised on fairy tales, the story touched my heart. I imagined that mysterious boy as my prince charming. I believed he would return one day, take me with him to his kingdom marrying me.
From that day forward, I wore the clip on every birthday, hoping he might come again and recognize me. I even wore it last year.
I had never fallen in love or dated anyone. That mysterious boy was, in a way, my first love.
"Wear it. Who knows, maybe you'll meet him today. If he can't marry you, at least he can take you on a date," Jubi said, her voice filled with teasing encouragement.
I couldn't help but think of Rayan. He would kill that mysterious boy if he knew I went on a date with him. I scolded to myself, realizing I was still thinking about him.
"He won't know. Just wear it, girl. He hasn't visited you in these two months, so nothing will happen," Jubi added with a wink.
I was the one who told him not to see me again. Still...
Maybe he had already forgotten me. I thought, trying to convince myself as I slipped the clip into my hair.
As I reached for my scarf to cover my head, Jubi’s voice called out.
"Tania, I think you need to see this," she said, her tone laced with concern.
I followed her gaze and looked at her phone. My heart stopped.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I grabbed the phone from her hands and read the news:
"An unanticipated open gunshot incident occurred at ViharTech International. Many people were severely injured, including the CEO and COO. All were taken to XYZ Hospital, Mumbai."
The phone slipped from my hands, landing softly in my lap.
It was his company. CEO and COO meant him and Rahat bhai.
Severely injured... No, this can't be happening. He's strong. Nothing should happen to him. He’ll be alright. I whispered to myself, trying to hold onto the faint hope that he was okay.
Without thinking, I grabbed my purse and phone, rushing out of the room.
I dashed for a taxi, only realizing halfway there that I had forgotten to wear a scarf or hijab. Shame flooded me, but it was quickly overshadowed by the overwhelming anxiety building in my chest.
Tight. Unbearable. My breathing became shallow, and before I knew it, tears were silently falling down my cheeks. A fear I had never known before gripped me. The fear of losing him.
What if something really happened to him? No. It can't be.
I ran my hands through my hair, whispering under my breath, "Don't you dare die, Rayan. You said... you said you'd be my world."
The journey felt endless, suffocating. I urged the driver to go faster for the fifth time, my pulse racing with every passing second.
All I wanted was to see him alive. Healthy. Nothing more. Nothing less. . . . After reaching the hospital, I rushed to the reception, my heart pounding as I frantically asked where he was. I could feel the weight of all the worst-case scenarios flooding my mind. My hand trembled as I gripped the door handle and pushed it open. _______________________________
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