When Tania woke up she was welcomed by the unfamiliar warmth and softness of the bed beneath her, unlike her stiff unyielding bed.
Her eyelids fluttered open and her eyes roamed at the surroundings, realization hit her. She was in Sarfaraaz's room.... again.
Her breath caught in her throat as flashes of the previous night assaulted her mind. Sarfaraaz had taken control of her body with an unrelenting force, drawing out sensations she had never experienced before. He had played with her senses in a way that no one ever dared, and the shameful part was, she liked it.
How could she let him do this. How could she have arched for pleasure from the very man she despised. The man ripped her life apart, snatched her dreams, and reduced her to the shadow of her own once she was.
Tears welled up in her eyes, hot and stinging self-loathing.She hated herself more than she could hate him.
She wiped at her eyes but the tears kept falling, pooling faster than she could contain them. The sheer helplessness of it all gripped her- how he had made her feel, how her body betrayed her by craving his touch. He was the man who had torn apart her peaceful existence, the man responsible for the hatred she received from her father, her sisters.
Her breath hitched as glanced down and her heart shattered more finding herself in his hoodie. His scent and touch was all over her, clung to her like the second skin.
Her silent cries turned into a sob without her realization which made stir Sarfaraaz up who was lying on the sofa uncomfortably.
"What happened, Hazel?" he said in a raspy voice.
The sound of his voice, casual and unaware of the storm raging inside her, only deepened the pain. She felt like she was suffocating under the weight of her emotions.
She realized she needed to escape, from the room, from him though it sounded like a bad joke. Still she could avoid him, for now.
Without saying anything she got down from the bed and went towards the door. Before she could reach for the door knob she felt strong arms encircled her waist only to lift her effortlessly off the ground. In one swift motion, Sarfaraaz carried her back to the sofa, ignoring her protests as he sat down with her still in his grip.
She found herself on his lap, his iron grip keeping her firmly in place. His hand pressed down on her bare thighs, sent shivers down her spine which made her state worse.
"Let me go!" she screamed between her sobs, her voice raw and desperate. "Sarfaraaz, let me go! I can't stay here for another second!"
But his grip tightened, his jaw set in frustration. "Not until you tell me what the actual fuck is going on," he growled, his patience thinning. His eyes bore into her, demanding answers.
"Everything about this is wrong!" she shouted back, her voice cracking under the weight of her emotions. Her tears flowed freely now, her face wet and flushed with anguish. "Me being in this room, in your arms,, everything is wrong, Sarfaraaz! You've destroyed me. Do you even understand that?"
"I failed to find myself in this chaos. You've shattered every piece of me. I don't even know who I am anymore. I hate you... I hate what you've turned me into" her voice trembled, as she broke further, her face pale from the weight of it all.
"I was supposed to hate you!" she spat out, tears streaming uncontrollably down her face. "But instead, you've made me a sex-craved woman who was arched for release from a man like you!" She was trembling now, her sobs.
His grip around her tightened hearing all these. His eyes darkened, "You are talking nonsense".
But she could care less about his words. She started again, " I used to know who I was. I had a life.. a purpose. Now..I didn't even recognze myself. I hate this version of myself. I hate that I let you touch me" she was trembling now. "What did you do me.. Sarfaraaz?"
The vulnerability in her voice, the rawness of her confession, hit Sarfaraaz hard. He wasn't used to this. Dealing with emotions, especially not emotions like hers. He was used to controlling everything around him, but this... her pain, her tears... he didn't know how to handle it.
But instead of pulling away, his grip only tightened, his possessiveness surfacing. "You think you can just leave?" His voice was dangerously low now, his eyes narrowing. "You think after everything, you can just walk out and pretend none of this ever happened?".
Tania's body stiffened under his grip her breathing became short.
"Let me go" she whispered again weakly.
"No" he said in a determined voice.
Her sobs only grew louder as silence stretched berween them. She didn't have the energy to struggle anymore. She covered her face with hands feeling frustrated.
Sarfaraaz's jaw clenched tightly staring at her. Seeing her so broken he felt a pang on his heart. Each throbbing of his heart became dull and painful He could feel his grip around her loosening involuntarily.
Tania felt the shift immediately. She didn't move right away, too shocked by his sudden change. When she finally lifted her head from her hands and turned around, her tear-streaked face was met with his intense gaze, one that was no longer filled with anger but something far more complicated.
He swallowed hard, his voice a rough whisper. "Go, Hazel."
Her breath hitched. It wasn't a command. It wasn't laced with the possessiveness that usually clung to his every words.
She stared at him for a long moment, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she tried to steady her breathing. He didn't stop her this time.
Without another word, Tania slipped off his lap, her legs shaky beneath her. She didn't look back as she crossed the room, her tears still falling, her heart shattered into pieces.
While Sarfaraaz was kept staring at her until the door closed slowly. For the first time in a long time, he didn't know what to do. He had the power to keep her there, to make her stay, but something about her brokenness... about her tears had stopped him.
As she reached her little nest, in her sanctuary she slowly closed the door and slid to the floor slowly. She curled herself into a ball and clutched the hoodie tighter around her. It was the only warmth she could feel right now though it from the very man she hated. It was soaked in his scent but she could not let it go.
"What was my fault in all these? His revenge.. My father's reputation.. why I belong in the middle of this. I'm just a toy. Nothing else".
She hugged herself sniffing the hoodie lingering his scent for another time, " I didn't ask any of this..."
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Three days later
In these three days she avoided Sarfaraaz to her best. She spent her time playing with Mubeen and doing her chores. She sneaked into her room before the usual time he arrived at home.
It was the best for her. For her sanity which she almost lost being close to him. Though she didn't know how long she could avoid him.
But she didn't find the peace she expected. That was quite strange for her.
_________________
I'm fucking hating this.
Why the hell did I let her go that day? Why didn't I force her to stay and confront me like she always does?
The weak version of her stirred something inside me I can't even name yet.
She's been avoiding me for three days, and I didn't have the heart to shatter the little peace she's asking for.
But damn it, it's driving me insane. She's mine. She must obey me. But those words seem to lose their strength every time I picture her tear-streaked face.
And now, she's done the worst thing possible,-she took my sleep. For three days, she's haunted me with the question: did I really manipulate her to let me touch her that night?
Fuck, I don't want to think about it anymore.
"Brother, can you please concentrate on this stupid game? You've never missed a home-run before," Rahat's voice snapped me back to reality.
"I wasn't concentrating," I admitted, hesitantly.
"Oh, man! That's new. Can we stop this now? My muscles are killing me," Rahat groaned.
"Actually... Mizaan's gang attacked some of our men a few days ago. Don't you think they need a reminder of who's in charge?"
"Wait...what? You're seriously thinking of waging war right now?" Rahat's eyes widened.
I said nothing.
"Fuck! This is insane, bro! It's 3 AM! At least think of me if not the guys who are about to face annihilation. I need sleep!"
"You can sleep. I can't. So don't say no," I replied coldly.
"Let me guess... It's about her, right? What did she do this time?" Rahat sighed, already knowing.
"I don't know," I muttered.
"Alright then, let's go. Let's hit Mizaan's den and beat the shit out of them," Rahat gave in, shaking his head.
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Sarfaraaz returned home at 5 AM, drenched in sweat, bloodstains marking his clothes after the war he waged against Mizaan's gang.
Instead of heading to his room, he walked straight to Tania's. The bruises on his hands and the bloodstains on his shirt were a convenient excuse to get close to her, something he craved but refused to admit.
He entered her room without hesitation, his voice rough as he spoke. "Come to my room and help me treat my bruises," he demanded seeing her sat beside the window.
Tania sighed. Why does he need me for this? Knowing he could easily do it himself but followed him nonetheless.
Once inside his room, she quietly began unbuttoning his shirt, her fingers moving with a mix of detachment and frustration.
The room was thick with tension, his presence overwhelming, as always."Why did you fight this late?" she asked softly, the edge of her frustration slipping into her tone as she touched a small cut at his chest.
"I can't sleep," Sarfaraaz growled lowly, his voice thick with emotion. His eyes darkened, his words coming out as more than just an admission. "And it's only because of you."
Tania huffed in disbelief, rolling her eyes as she dropped his shirt to the floor. "It's not like I gave you insomnia."
"You did," he replied, his voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. His arms caged her in, pulling her closer until she was trapped against his bare chest. The heat of him radiated into her skin, making it impossible to think clearly.
"Stop avoiding me, Hazel," he warned, his voice filled with a mix of anger and longing. "Or I swear, I'll make sure you see me every second of every day."
Tania's pulse quickened as she felt his hold tighten. His control was slipping, and they both knew it. The air between them crackled with tension as he leaned in, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear, sending shivers down her spine.
"Let me go, Sarfaraaz," she breathed, trying to pull away, but his grip only tightened in response.
"Not when you're this close to me," he murmured, his voice low and dangerous. "You drive me insane... and I can't take it anymore." His lips trailed along her jaw, the proximity making her heart pound wildly against her chest.
In a second, Sarfaraaz's arms wrapped around her fully, pulling her into a fierce embrace. His face buried itself in the crook of her neck.
Her heartbeat raced in response, the sudden proximity unsettling. She wasn't sure if it was fear, anger, or something far more dangerous taking over."You don't understand," Tania whispered suddenly, her voice trembling with unshed tears.
"You've already taken so much from me-my freedom, my life, my peace. I can't give you more. I won't."Her words struck him like a physical blow.
Sarfaraaz's grip tightened instinctively, his heart clenching at the depth of her pain. The bitterness in her voice sliced through him, each word digging deeper into his conscience.
"If I let you in again, if I get any closer to you..." Her voice cracked, and a tear slipped down her cheek as she whispered, "I'll lose myself."
He pulled her closer, his breath shaky as it brushed against her skin. The need to control her, to dominate her, crumbled in the face of her fragile honesty.
"You won't lose yourself, Hazel," he murmured softly, his voice gentler than it had ever been before. He wasn't pleading-he was promising. "I won't let that happen."
But she shook her head, her body trembling in his arms, the weight of her pain too heavy to bear. "But it's too late..." she whispered, her voice breaking as more tears fell. "I already sacrificed myself... in this relationship. I know I'm your sacrificial bride ... but I'monly asking for space now... Please."
Seeing her begging for her sanity, his core shooked. A good minute of silence past.
"I won't make you stay," he said quietly and stepping back. His voice was filled with a mix of sadness and vulnerability.
"But you're not going far, Hazel. I can't let you." say that he left the room.
_____________________
After Two days
Tania stepped outside her room to do her usual chores, like cleaning and cooking. But she was surprised to see several people already working in the kitchen.
That's unusual, she thought.
She also noticed Rahat giving instructions to the workers, who were busy packing food items into small boxes.
What is going on? she asked herself.
Curious, she approached Rahat. He didn't particularly like her, especially after seeing how Sarfaraaz, his friend, had worsened after marrying her.
"Rahat bhai, can you tell me what's going on? What's all this preparation for?"
Rahat was a bit surprised to hear her call him "bhai"-he never had a sister, but Tania could easily be his sister's age, if he had one. Though he hadn't planned to tell her, he found himself answering her question, seeing the curiosity in her eyes.
"It's Sarfaraaz's parents' death anniversary. Every year we send homemade food to old age homes and orphanages on this day."
"Oh," she nodded quietly.
"But where is he?" she asked, unsure if she should even ask.
"He must be in his room, locked away like every year," Rahat said sadly.
"I see..." Tania's heart clenched at hearing this. She knew the pain of losing a parent too well. She had lost her mother when she was just 11 months old and never experienced a mother's love. Now, she had also lost her father, who refused to see her again.
"Don't go near him today. He's not in himself, and especially if he sees you... he may hurt you," Rahat warned, hesitantly.
Tania nodded in response. She had no intention of making things worse.
She went upstairs to find Muneeb, who was being fed by her nanny, Haya.
"Ma'am, can I ask a favor?" Haya asked nervously, a woman in her fifties.
"Yes, of course. If it's within my abilities, why not?" Tania replied.
"Could you bring Sarfaraaz Sir some food? I'm sure he hasn't eaten since yesterday. I used to be his sister's caretaker, so I know him well," Haya said, fidgeting with her fingers.
Tania stood frozen, unsure of what to do next. Her heart felt uneasy, a heavy knot forming in her chest.
"Today is his birthday too... and his parents died on this very day," Haya added softly.
Tania's eyes widened in shock, the weight of the words sinking in.
His birthday... and his parents died on the same day?
The heaviness in her heart grew, an overwhelming sense of empathy for Sarfaraaz washing over her.
She couldn't imagine the pain of carrying such a burden year after year.
"I'm going for now, Mrs Haya. See you later" she said where thoughts were swirling in her mind.
She finds herself in the kitchen to make something warm for him. Something savory yet sweet.
A birthday should be welcomed warmly not like this sadness she thought. Though she knew she shouldn't be overstepping her boundaries but she could not help it.
She hurriedly made some warm pumkin soup and took some rusty bread along with it. It was her comfort meal. So she thought it could alleviate his mood a little. . . . . Tania took a deep breath before gently knocking and stepping inside. Sarfaraaz sat on the edge of his bed, his back to her. The room was dimly lit, a suffocating silence filling the air, and for a moment, she hesitated.
This wasn't the man who had dominated her world, the one who tormented her and ignited her desires. This was someone else, someone grieving, weighed down by invisible burdens.
He turned at the sound of her footsteps, his brows furrowing in surprise. His eyes darkened, and a brief flicker of pain crossed his face. "Not today, Hazel," he warned, his voice hoarse and cold.
"I may hurt you... you're still his daughter. You shouldn't be here."
Tania swallowed hard, taking in his broken form. She had every reason to leave.
He had taken so much from her; her freedom, her peace of mind, her sense of self.
And yet, seeing him like this, a man torn apart by his past, something in her refused to leave him alone.
"You haven't eaten all day," she whispered, stepping closer, her voice steady despite her pounding heart. She set the tray down on a nearby table. "You'll make yourself sick."
His expression hardened as he snapped, "I don't need your concern" He turned away, his voice was ice cold.
But still, she didn't leave. Instead she stepped closer, hesitant but determined. Slowly, she reached out, her fingers brushing his shoulders, the tension beneath his skin immediately evident. He tensed at her touch, his entire body going rigid.
"Don't," he growled lowly, his voice shaking with restraint. "I told you to stay away."
"Sarfaraaz" Her voice was soft, almost pleading, but she didn't pull back. "Let me."
For a moment, he remained silent, his fists clenching as if struggling to hold onto his anger.
Then, with a shaky exhale, he muttered, "Why are you doing this? You hate me, don't you? You told me not to get closer to you, right? Or you come here to pity me?"
She didn't answer immediately, her fingers gently tracing the taut muscles in his back, trying to ease the tension. "It's not a pity. You look like you need someone right now," she whispered, her voice was low.
His fists tightened even more, the room heavy with the weight of unsaid words. "Don't pretend like this changes anything," he growled, though his voice lacked its usual venom. "You think your touch will make me forget?"
Tania paused, her heart aching at his words but refusing to back down. She slowly climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his tense shoulders.
His body stiffened, as though caught between pushing her away and pulling her closer.
Sarfaraaz buried his face in her hair, his breath shaky as he inhaled her scent. The softness of her touch, her warmth, everything he had missed without even realizing it, now surrounded him.
"When I reach for you, you push me away, and now you're here, comforting me like... this," he murmured against her hair, his voice raw with confusion and vulnerability. "Knowing I could hurt you. What are you, Hazel? You never fail to wonder me."
Tania hesitated for a moment, still unsure of what she truly believed about her father's past actions, but she couldn't ignore the pain Sarfaraaz was going through. "I don't know what really happened... I don't believe my father could've done what you think... but I'm sorry," she whispered softly, her fingers combing gently through his hair.
"I can't make up for everything you've been through, but no one deserves to feel so alone, especially today. This is all I can offer."
"I hate that you're here. You shouldn't come here. Especially today" he muttered but snuggled to her more.
Tania looked down at him, her thumb brushing the nape of his neck. "Maybe... but I am here.. For now"
"You are driving me to make mistakes, Hazel. I hate what you are doing to me" he said looking up to her.
Without letting her respond, he crushed his lips on hers.
The kiss started with the same dominance she had experienced. But then, something changed. His grip on her softened, the harshness fading as the kiss became gentler, slower, almost as though he was surrendering. It wasn't just a kiss anymore,, it was something deeper. He wasn't taking from her like before; instead, it felt like he was letting her in, letting her heal the parts of him that had long been broken.
As he pulled away his thumbs touching her cheek with slow movement. "Remember I did try to push you away. But you returned here....on my lap..in my arms. So it's your fault... to return.. Don't blame me later." he warned, his voice soft and low.
She understood it very well. The moment she chose to enter his room she left her judgement outside. And she knows there was no way back.
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